Dancing through shadows
What are you running away from?
What is it that you cannot face?
When you close your eyes and hold your heart
and jump into that grace
sparkling in the darkness
can you hear them calling your name?
the wild, the free, the laughing and untamed
but theres something that resists
wanting only the beauty way
and the battles from within
can be faught another day
so go on seeking perfection
in the movement of your eyes
and gaze into the sunlight even if you go blind
the murkiness may not ever subside
but at least you will die
dancing with the light
The spaces in-between
You are beauty.
What is left unsaid
And all the spaces in between
This planet is just too straightforward
I want to live in a land of secret codes
Eyes the passageways the roads
The maps for meeting
The moments crafted by how many times you blink, and smiles that start and finish in movement and silence and music.
Subtly every time the ocean rises
And you feel the ocean within you rise too..
In depth …in expansion …..
In meaning that is salt…..
In the sky that is the protective father
In the earth that is the unconditionally loving embracing mother
In the self that lives the eternal lover
Of all those little unseen spells and mysteries…
To be so enchanted
With all this disenchantment.
What does it mean to be with God?
To be with him all the time.
To speak to him all the time
To live with your heart wide open in his hands
To feed and be fed by him
To decorate him and be decorated by him.
To live to love him with every part of your body mind and soul.
To know that you are finally home.
What does it mean to know God ?
And the things that make him laugh
And all the little things that make him cry
And all the flowers and all the colours
And all the secret codes in his glance
All the movements, all the beauty
All the fragrance…
What does it mean to dance with God?t
To run with God, to sing with him
To joke with him, and even to fight with him?
What would that be to just be with him?
Without all this invasion and all these voices
Without all these fears and all these layers.
What will it be like to feel that feeling of never having been away?
Our entire journey as souls apart forgotten in an instance….
In a moment of surrender.
In a moment of trust …
Could it really be that it is only consciousness that is separating us.
How can it be that simple to him?
All this waiting and all the suffering
All the longing and yearning and crying and waiting
and suffering and longing and yearning and crying and waiting
and so on and so forth again and again and again….
Until one day when it’s all a dream
And we live with God.
Such a fine, brilliant vail. Such an enchanting maze.
Lotuses, Forests, Dark Night Sky
Kadamba Tree, Tamal Tree, Chakora Birds
The sound of the flute, Yamuna flowing
Vrindavan blooming, Peackocks dancing
Purva Raag, First meeting
The waiting The walking
The gazing The grazing
The laughter The smiles
Black Curls Golden limbs
The heart that is soft ghee
The morning bangles as they chime and sing
the precious footprints all red with love
golden pitambar, silken hair, chandan
Rising Sun Rising Moon
every step a little closer
The night is young
I long but not deeply enough
I want but not deeply enough
I cry but not deeply enough
absolutely no end in variety
the land of unlimited friends
the heart—–wounded by loves arrows
the heart —–melted
the heart— soft
the heart—- overflowing with prema
the heart—- transcendental
the heart walking, eating, breathing, serving
everywhere a rasasthali
If I could just take you and you could just take me.
And we could just be in the land of the heart.
Aha! Yes, That the soul may know love.
It’s 4.30 am and I hear the sound of Guruvastakam from this old sanyasi vaisnava with a tiny temple behind my navadwip home. I keep sleeping. I hear the village ladies as they come into my courtyard to fill up buckets of sweet water. They are loud and bossy and peek through my window. They laugh and tell me to wake up. Everyone is awake – sweeping the dust and mango Manjari’s into a pile and smearing the earth with fresh cow dung and water. Prabhujis sisters come to my door with Champak garlands and gur rasagullas to offer to lord jagannatha. I get up. I walk to the Ganga. It’s warm enough now- days have passed, weeks, months the seasons have rolled into each other abruptly- I survived the monsoon- the floods and now it is spring and there is new life.
The walk to Ganga in the early morning is my favorite. The fresh misty navadwip air, the men brushing their teeth in their courtyards for 20 minutes, the baby buffalos stoically chewing- the naked kajal babies all round and smeared with dust. Kirtan resounding from all the Mathas. I go and say good morning to Gurudeva in his samadhi and continue. The road is inviting and loving and the green has never felt so alive. Mangos and jackfruits and coconuts and champak flowers. Everywhere I look- there is only love. There is love in everyone and in everything. There is love in every particle of dust and every ally way. Pure soul stirring life altering deep sort of once in a lifetime kind of love. I step in a squishy pile of cow dung and continue on the path. Didi kemon acchen? The little girls call out to me… and follow me barefoot for a while laughing at everything I say.
I arrive to her banks. Mother Ganga, glistening in the morning sun. I smear her mud on my body until it covers me fully. I had been through months of sickness , struggle trials and tribulations, dancing under the moon and in the dust, trying to leave , not being able to leave, tears, heartbreak, utter joy and deep longing, offense, defense, facing myself —- And there we sit together. I am alive. Her voice is deep and enchanting. I wonder how many lotus feet have walked this same path— over and over again.
I am alone. Without anyone. Without any means. Without knowing why.It’s just us. In this beautiful land my heart is divided. Where do I belong ? We sing. I can hear her song too. She speaks, caresses and listens.