POEMS

Dancing through shadows  

What are you running away from?

What is it that you cannot face?

When you close your eyes and hold your heart

and jump into that grace

cascading waters

sparkling in the darkness

can you hear them calling your name?

the wild, the free, the laughing and untamed

but theres something that resists

wanting only the beauty way

and the battles from within

can be faught another day

so go on seeking perfection

in the movement of your eyes

and gaze into the sunlight even if you go blind

the murkiness may not ever subside

but at least you will die

dancing with the light

The spaces in-between 

Subtly

You are beauty.

What is left unsaid

And all the spaces in between

This planet is just too straightforward

I want to live in a land of secret codes

Eyes the passageways the roads

The maps for meeting

The moments crafted by how many times you blink, and smiles that start and finish in movement and silence and music.

Subtly every time the ocean rises

And you feel the ocean within you rise too..

In depth …in expansion …..

In meaning that is salt…..

In the sky that is the protective father

In the earth that is the unconditionally loving embracing mother

In the self that lives the eternal lover

Of all those little unseen spells and mysteries…

To be so enchanted

With all this disenchantment.

In Pursuit 

What does it mean to be with God?

    To be with him all the time.

    To speak to him all the time

    To live with your heart wide open in his hands

    To feed and be fed by him

    To decorate him and be decorated by him.

    To live to love him with every part of your body mind and soul.

    To know that you are finally home.

What does it mean to know God ?

    And the things that make him laugh

    And all the little things that make him cry

    And all the flowers and all the colours

    And all the secret codes in his glance

    All the movements, all the beauty

    All the fragrance…

What does it mean to dance with God?t

     To run with God, to sing with him 

      To joke with him, and even to fight with him? 

What would that be to just be with him? 

       Without all this invasion and all these voices 

       Without  all these fears and all these layers.

What will it be like to feel that feeling of never having been away?

Our entire journey as souls apart forgotten in an instance….

In a moment of surrender. 

In a moment of trust …

Could it really be that it is only consciousness that is separating us.

How can it be that simple to him?

All this waiting and all the suffering 

All the longing and yearning and crying and waiting 

and suffering and longing and yearning and crying and waiting

 and so on and so forth again and again and again….

Until one day when it’s all a dream

And we live with God.

Such a fine, brilliant vail. Such an enchanting maze.

To Yearn 

Lotuses, Forests, Dark Night Sky

Kadamba Tree, Tamal Tree, Chakora Birds

The sound of the flute, Yamuna flowing

Vrindavan blooming, Peackocks dancing

Purva Raag, First meeting

The waiting The walking

The gazing The grazing

The laughter The smiles

Black Curls Golden limbs

The heart that is soft ghee

The morning bangles as they chime and sing

the precious footprints all red with love

golden pitambar, silken hair, chandan

Rising Sun Rising Moon

every step a little closer

The night is young

I long but not deeply enough

I want but not deeply enough

I cry but not deeply enough

the embrace,

absolutely no end in variety

the land of unlimited friends

precious guardians

flowers everywhere

the heart—–wounded by loves arrows

the heart —–melted

the heart—    soft

the heart—-  overflowing with prema

the heart—-   transcendental

the heart walking, eating, breathing, serving

everywhere a rasasthali

If I could just take you and you could just take me.

And we could just be in the land of the heart.

Aha! Yes, That the soul may know love. 

STORIES

Mornings in the land of love

It’s 4.30 am and I hear the sound of Guruvastakam from this old sanyasi vaisnava with a tiny temple behind my navadwip home. I keep sleeping. I hear the village ladies as they come into my courtyard to fill up buckets of sweet water. They are loud and bossy and peek through my window. They laugh and tell me to wake up. Everyone is awake – sweeping the dust and mango Manjari’s into a pile and smearing the earth with fresh cow dung and water. Prabhujis sisters come to my door with Champak garlands and gur rasagullas to offer to lord jagannatha. I get up. I walk to the Ganga. It’s warm enough now- days have passed, weeks, months the seasons have rolled into each other abruptly- I survived the monsoon- the floods and now it is spring and there is new life.

The walk to Ganga in the early morning is my favorite. The fresh misty navadwip air, the men brushing their teeth in their courtyards for 20 minutes, the baby buffalos stoically chewing- the naked kajal babies all round and smeared with dust. Kirtan resounding from all the Mathas. I go and say good morning to Gurudeva in his samadhi and continue. The road is inviting and loving and the green has never felt so alive. Mangos and jackfruits and coconuts and champak flowers. Everywhere I look- there is only love. There is love in everyone and in everything. There is love in every particle of dust and every ally way. Pure soul stirring life altering deep sort of once in a lifetime kind of love. I step in a squishy pile of cow dung and continue on the path. Didi kemon acchen? The little girls call out to me… and follow me barefoot for a while laughing at everything I say.

I arrive to her banks. Mother Ganga, glistening in the morning sun. I smear her mud on my body until it covers me fully. I had been through months of sickness , struggle trials and tribulations, dancing under the moon and in the dust, trying to leave , not being able to leave, tears, heartbreak, utter joy and deep longing, offense, defense, facing myself —- And there we sit together. I am alive. Her voice is deep and enchanting. I wonder how many lotus feet have walked this same path— over and over again.

I am alone. Without anyone. Without any means. Without knowing why.It’s just us. In this beautiful land my heart is divided. Where do I belong ? We sing. I can hear her song too. She speaks, caresses and listens.